Mommy kept throwing things. She threw everything that was on the coffee table across the room. Then later, she threw boxes and cards from her bed headboard, toward the living room. She doesn't say why, or even seem to know that she has done so. "Did I?"
One time she said it was what "the guy that used to be in here" with her did. She was very agitated and breathing out rapidly and forcefully, like she had just been doing something very physical or was very frightened. She was also irritated at the show on television because it seemed "pointless". She wanted to "bean (her expression for knock on the head) him with this cup!" (her tea mug)
I've come into the apartment another time when she was throwing slippers and the phone receiver at "that black creature". When he is there, she begs me to take her out of here. He is tall, and makes a chopping motion with his arm - very frightening. He comes in there fairly regularly, lately.
As I stood at the end of her bed, asking her about him, she told me, "He's behind you right now." I turned and made a sweeping motion, like erasing a blackboard, and told him, "Go Away! You're scaring her!" Then, he was gone.
Of course, by the description, I can't help but think of the image of the Grim Reaper, or the Angel of Death. A personification of Fear - of death. Or a Messenger with a message that she is afraid of, or doesn't yet want to hear.
Is her mind making her see things, or is she able to see what we cannot? If the angels that watch over her from above, with "bright hair" are there - could he be, too?
I can certainly feel "his" presence when she is so frail and failing, but I pray that when the time comes he will not be scary- only comforting, and the bright haired angels will be there to light the way and welcome her into Heaven.
No comments:
Post a Comment