"... And I Can't Get Up!"

So, the last few weeks have been pretty bad... some days worse than others. For a period of days, Mommy couldn't walk at all, then she could again, but yesterday she fell. She doesn't know how, or what happened, I just found her on the floor - sitting up, but unable to figure out how to get up. She was right next to the bed. Shadow alerted me by barking, both inside and outside - the door was open (she was probably letting him in or out at the time that she fell).

She had a period that was fairly lucid - except I could tell she was trying to figure out who I was, "Now, you have a sister?" and "You have a brother?" - and alert (awake), this past weekend, in which I was able to accomplish a lot of things I hadn't been able to do. I got her bathed (not just the usual washcloth bathing, but actually in the shower!), washed her hair, trimmed her nails, and washed all of her bedding! So I felt like everything was fresh and clean and DONE for a change!

She was appreciative, once the shrieking was over (she's hates water on her face and having her hair washed, "You know I can't swim!").

Today, she is telling me about "the boys' Confirmation" on Saturday (She doesn't know this, but Matt was supposed to be Confirmed on Saturday, but will be in D.C. competing in Robotics at the Smithsonian. He will instead be Confirmed later.) She says "Everything is written down, so they don't have to memorize everything."

Her days and nights all blur together, and lucid, alert moments are few and far between.

Sometimes I wonder, would she be better off in a skilled care unit? I've heard that they just let them (all the Alz. patients) wander around at all hours, in the controlled environment. So, other than being easier on me (and my family), how would that be any better? I have to wonder, am I just thinking it would be better for us? and could I live with that decision? Would she notice, or care? If she did, it would kill me to do that to her.

I struggle with guilt over not being able to do anything with the kids or John, that would cause me to be away for more than an hour, or go anywhere without advance notice and setting up someone to care for her. At the same time, I feel the continuity of my being her care-giver all the time, is helpful to her. I don't know if I could have someone come in to help with her. It seems like too much to ask of anyone.